Where the Comfort Zone Ends...

I started my first blog in 2009, Idle Banter (it's still out there, check it out if you dare!). At the time I was a part of an online community of mostly newlyweds, all embarking on a similar journey, an exciting time in our lives, in love and relatively unencumbered. I was working as an auditor, typically between 40 and 60 hours a week and traveling for work often. I have always been a creative person, my mother is very creative and her influence has had a great impact of my own creative nature. My career at that time did not provide me much opportunity for the creative outlets I had come to love: sewing, scrapbooking and baking. Many of the women in my online community were bloggers or had recently become bloggers and it seemed like a great way to do something outside of my everyday work. I had never been a writer, I still don't consider myself a writer, so I wasn't sure if this is something I was capable of but I was intrigued, could this be the creative outlet I was so badly missing? I really felt out of my league at the time, but thought 'why not'. I focused on things I could blog about while traveling or working long hours like fashion, makeup, trends, foods, etc. My blog did pretty well considering it really had no vision and I essentially just flew by the seat of my pants.

In 2012, my husband and I decided to start trying for a family. My blog was tired and I felt I had outgrown it. I decided to start a new blog that would mostly be all of the things I loved (and would soon come to love) like traveling, running, and eventually babies, Our Own Kind of Paradise was born. I did weekly pregnancy updates that in the end were probably mostly viewed by family, I'm sure of it. I have posted things we've done, places we've traveled, recipes, and a DIY craft here and there. During this time I also started an Etsy shop creating clothing and accessories for kids. I was busy, working every night from Henley's bedtime to 10pm making headbands and leggings or embroidering shirts. My blog accumulated dust and eventually went months without posts. I ran my shop for about two years before life just got larger than the amount of free time I had.

Fast forward to 2017. I have two girls and work a full-time job as an Accounting Director. I have learned so much about myself in the last four years. I have learned that I am an introvert in almost every sense of the word. I have learned that I love my family more than life and would give anything for them. I have learned that giving myself time alone helps me be a better wife and mother. I have learned that I need to be creative to be me, to be happy.

I resurrected the blog about two months ago and it finally clicked that this is a perfect creative outlet for me at the moment. I can put all of the words and thoughts rushing around inside me into print (type?) and hopefully share it with you all. I've been enjoying it more than I really ever have before but I want more. I want to be better.

I came across the Year of Creativity from Coffee + Crumbs which is a year long online course of monthly lessons themed and designed to inspire your creative side. From their site:

The Year of Creativity is for the woman who is uninspired, disconnected from her creative self, longing for something more. This program is for the woman who wants to dedicate this year to rediscovering inspiration in order to make beautiful things.

When I initially read about it, I was interested but I wasn't sure it would be a good fit for me. I was intrigued and kept coming back to the website. I was reading more and more about it and before I could talk myself out of it I signed up. I've been a fan of C+C for a while, their essays are so inspiring and real. I immediately thought how much I would love to be able to create like that.

The first lesson started January 1 and I am so excited to get started working with all of these amazing women but mostly, in this moment, I am scared. I am a CPA, I am not a writer. These people are real writers and bloggers. I am majorly out of my comfort zone and while I'm mostly excited about it, I am still nervous and feeling vulnerable. I'm confident I will embrace this journey and get the most out of it that I can and this is the last moment that I am going to let myself feel undeserving to be included. Tomorrow I will log in to my lesson and write as if I have been writing my whole life, because in my heart, I believe I have been.