Motherhood...Don't Blink

As I laid in bed Saturday night, thinking back to when I had Henley it really hit me hard that she’s growing up and is turning into such a special little girl. On the other hand it’s only been four years since I joined this club of mothers but yet I feel like this is who I have always been. I can’t imagine a life without my girls now.

Being a mother isn't something that someone can tell you how it will be and you’ll get it. It’s nothing like you expect it will be, it’s so much more in every sense---better in some ways and harder in other ways.

A quote for me that sums up motherhood pretty well is this:

“Being a mother is learning about the strength you didn’t know you had and dealing with the fears you didn’t know existed.”

Looking back over the last four years I can easily agree with this quote. I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible (hello childbirth!). The bond with my husband has grown so much stronger, seeing a man loving on his daughters is the best. Motherhood, parenting in general really, does bring with it fears---fears something will happen, fears we're doing something wrong, fears that you aren't able to give them what they need or protect them from every element. I'm learning this is just a part of the deal---we do what we can and pray it's enough.

This journey has a lot more in store for me and my family. I look forward to all of the moments to come.

Here is my little FOUR year old yesterday at her party! Birthday details to come tomorrow…

Have a great week, hopefully it's a short one!

Mere

::Macie:: Birth Story

On Saturday, February 28th I was 39 weeks pregnant, due in exactly one week. I have to admit that I was highly disappointed to still be pregnant. After all, Henley was over two weeks early---I thought for sure Macie would come at the same time as Henley if not sooner.

I had an appointment Monday and during my cervical check my Dr. told me I was still only 50% effaced and only 3cm dilated. He asked what I wanted to do as far as going another week or planning for an induction. I left the doctor totally upset and disappointed. I didn't even return to work from just being overall a mess.

Once I realized I need to get this baby moving, I started walking and bouncing on a birthing ball. I walked and bounced every single night last week and still nada, until Friday. Friday night around 9pm I was having regular contractions that were getting a little worse and were coming every 10 minutes or so. I called my mom to come over to be on call just in case. She ended up spending the night. I got everything ready to go to the hospital should we need to go. Hubs told me to go rest just in case this is the real deal. I woke up at 11:30 with nothing---no contractions and no signs of labor. To say I was disappointed is the understatement of the year.

Saturday my one mission was to get baby Macie out. I was so totally uncomfortable. Everything was swollen and everything hurt. I went to Target to get a few things and walk some more. I tried on some nursing bras and this image in the mirror cracked me up---my belly was hanging out and my feet look like sausages.

I also cleaned the windows, did laundry, and ate Chinese food (which per Google has been known to induce labor). I went to bed with no signs of labor, still huge and uncomfortable.

Around 1am I woke up and had to pee. I had been dreaming about labor and was a little disoriented when I woke as to what was real and what was fake. I laid back down for a minute but instantly felt like I had to pee again. When I stood up a second time, my water broke all over the floor, just like in the movies. I was so shocked. Ted woke up and so did Henley (who was in our bed, surprise surprise). I called my mom to come over while Ted put Henley back in her bed. 

I instantly started having contractions and they were about 10-11 minutes apart. I brushed my teeth and gathered some things we would need like phone chargers and camera. By the time my mom got to our house, the contractions were 8-9 minutes apart. I texted Teddy while he was with Henley and told him I think we need to go asap.

We got in the car around 1:30am and headed to the hospital which is about 20-25 minutes away. It had been raining so the roads were wet, adding another obstacle on our way. We called labor and delivery to let them know we were on the way. My contractions were getting closer and closer. After getting stuck behind a cop and dodging traffic lights the whole way there, we ended up making it to the hospital in 15 minutes. At this point my contractions were 1:30 apart. On the ride to the hospital I was honestly scared and didn't think I was going to make it. I remember looking at Ted in the car and trying to read his expression---he was officially freaked out as well.

We got to the hospital around 2:20am and apparently another woman had arrived in similar fashion to me right before I did so there was no one at the front to buzz us in. At this point the contractions felt almost constant and were very painful. A few minutes later we were buzzed in, checked in triage, and admitted to a room. My doctor who happened to be on call was paged and was on his way.

Since I tested positive for GBS (Group B Strep) I had to be placed on antibiotics. The nurses took a while to get the IV in and left me with quite the bruising. Contractions were coming on so hard and I was trying my best to breathe and count through them. I was 7-8cm when I was admitted and therefore it was too late for any pain medication. I remember telling Ted that I didn't want to do it. I was scared. I think last time going in blind was better as I didn't really know what to expect.

After not too long I felt the need to push. My doctor had arrived and I was about 9cm. He told me to go ahead and push if I feel the need. I don't think he was taking me seriously though as he still wasn't dressed in all of the gear. I felt the contraction coming on but it turned out to be a "dud" as the doctor put it. He then said that if this one was a dud, the next was going to be serious. He was so right. I had another shortly after and it was serious. I pushed and could feel baby Macie entering this world. I felt every piece of her pushing out. It was the most excruciating pain that I have ever felt. After one super painful push, Macie was here and was placed on my belly. I saw her laying there and my husband was saying---she's here she's here but I think I was in so much pain I couldn't even comprehend that. After a few second I held her in my arms. She was here and it was all over!

She was a little bigger than Henley weighing in at 8lbs 4oz and 20.5 inches long, born on 3/1/2015 at 3:13am. Welcome to this world baby! We have been waiting a long time for you!

We got quite a bit of time with her before my mom brought Henley, around 8am. Henley was so excited, this picture pretty much sums it all up.

It's been only a week and I can't remember a time without her. She feels like the perfect addition to our family. And as Ted puts it like a quote from Harry Goldenblatt: It's my lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women.

Can't wait to share this journey with you all.

Mere :-)

::Henley:: Birth Story

It's been a little over a week and I have been dying to write how Henley joined our world before I forgot any of the details, no matter how small. Over the last nine months, I have read birth story after birth story of different labors and to be honest, most of them sounded pretty traumatic and were intimidating. I feel I heard way more negative stories than positive ones so I hope my story gives someone a little light at the end of the tunnel and some faith that all births aren't so bad.

Looking back now I think my labor started around 4am on December 18th. As typical of a nine month pregnant woman, I was going to the restroom almost hourly overnight. When I went to the bathroom at 4am, I felt some pressure down below but didn't really think much about it and I definitely didn't think enough to turn on the light to check out the situation  I had the same feeling around 5am, just slightly more intense. I turned the light on and noticed  some blood when I wiped. I had heard this may happen towards the end of the pregnancy but that it's not a definite on the time frame, could mean one day or 3 weeks.

By the time I was awake and up and moving around I had slight period cramps which I assumed were Braxton Hicks contractions. I hadn't felt any of these before so I wasn't totally sure but I promised Teddy I would call the doctor's office as soon as they opened just to make sure. Around 8:30, I called the on-call nurse and she said since they were so mild, they were probably just Braxton Hicks and to continue to monitor them and if they got more intense or came with blood to call back.

Lately at work I have been bombarded with meetings trying to catch everyone up to speed on what's been going on and just trying to get things in a good spot before maternity leave. Tuesday was no exception. I started out the day with my weekly meeting with my team to catch up on anything that is going on. We mostly spent this time making sure all was in line. I had a few other meetings including one in a different building. As we were driving the golf cart to that meeting, I felt the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. After we got back from that meeting, I had about 30 minutes before the next meeting so I decided to start timing them. (I used an app called Sprout--I loved this app and highly recommend it throughout the pregnancy) At this point the contractions were 30-45 seconds long and about 9 minutes apart. I still wasn't convinced this was labor.

My 10am "meeting" actually turned out to be a surprise baby shower thrown by the Finance department for myself and two others that are due in January (perfect timing eh?). During this time, the contractions were getting more and more intense. Someone actually asked how I was feeling and I responded that I may be having contractions right now :-)

During lunch the contractions got worse and after lunch I actually had to stand through the contractions because they were so uncomfortable. Up until this point, they felt mostly like period cramps but around noon they shifted to my back and were pretty painful. At around 2:00pm, Ted told me to email him the contractions I had been logging on the app so I sent them over. He immediately called me back and told me to call the nurse. (I should note he had been telling me to call the nurse since about 11:30 but I didn't think things were that intense just yet). My contractions were still 30-45 seconds long but were every 5-6 minutes apart.

I called the nurse and told her the frequency of the contractions. She said she was going to talk to my doctor and get back with me to let me know if I should come into the office or if I should go to OB triage at the hospital. She called me back almost immediately to let me know Dr. J wanted me to come to the office asap. To say a little panic ensued is an understatement. I still had a meeting at 3 that I was to lead to transition something to my team and I had a sticky note of to-do's. In the 15 minutes after I got off of the phone, I was running around bringing my team up to speed on the meeting and the to-do lists. 

Finally I was on the way to the doctor. I checked in and sat in the waiting room for a good 20 minutes, contracting the whole time. I finally got back to see Dr. J and after a quick check he said "Yep you're in labor, 4 cm. I'll meet you at the hospital in a few minutes to break your water and then we are going to have a baby!"

If I thought I was nervous before when he told me to come into the office, I had no idea the flood of emotion that was to come. It was so overwhelming to think that my little girl was finally on her way but at the same time there were so many emotions that I could not comprehend. Would it be a fast or slow labor? Could I handle the pain? Will she be healthy? I didn't have much time to think about these things thankfully but these thoughts definitely crossed my mind.

At this point, I had not yet told any of my family that I was even having contractions, (I didn't want anyone to get their hopes up) so in the short two minute ride to the hospital (and five wrong turns later) we called and texted everyone that Baby Henley was coming soon.

We arrived at the hospital at 4:30pm. We were admitted and checked-in, hospital gown on, and all vitals checked and ready to go.

Dr. J came in around 5:00pm to check on my progress and to break my water, I was 5cm. He proceeded to break my water which felt totally weird by the way! It was the strangest feeling ever. He wanted me up and walking around the labor floor to get things moving along. Once my water broke, the contractions were very intense and I couldn't continue to walk through them any longer. I had to stop walking, hold the rail on the wall and clench onto Teddy to work through them. After one walk around the floor, I decided to move around our room instead and just try to labor in the room as best I could. I tried to sit on the birthing ball but squishing my stomach was very painful. 

At around 6:30pm, the nurse came back in to check on me. I told her I needed something for the pain. The contractions were so painful that I could no longer concentrate to breathe or count through them. I had been doing pretty well with counting through them but it was getting to be too much. Mentally I told myself that if I were only 6 cm dilated at this point, I would asked for the epidural but if I was any more, I would just get some pain medication that would take the edge off. With these meds, you can still feel everything and it's still pretty painful, just not debilitating. Good news---when they checked I was already 8cm!! 

Another check at 7:00pm showed I was 9.5cm and about ready to start pushing. The nurse said that sometimes the contractions feel better if you let yourself push through them and she was right. I started pushing lightly at this point and around 7:30, I was full on pushing. I personally liked pushing on my side way more than on my back, I felt like I could really make some progress in that position. I pushed on both sides for a little while before Dr. J came back in the room. He positioned me on my back and started getting suited up for Operation Baby Henley! She was on her way!

I pushed for about an hour, at 8:27pm Henley Nicole was born. It wasn't pain-free and it wasn't a "feel good" moment physically but I really feel blessed that I progressed so quickly. There were moments during the labor where I was crying and begging someone to just get her out! I was screaming at times and grunting at other times and there may have been some colorful language but I wouldn't trade any part of my experience for anything else in the world. I am thrilled I didn't need the epidural.

When she was born, she was alert and immediately placed on my chest for an hour of skin to skin contact and breastfeeding. She latched immediately and I got to see her awake and alert. She nursed for a full 30 minutes. I love that my hospital has the "Golden Hour" of skin to skin contact for baby and family to bond. I love that she was so willing to nurse right away and I think the Golden Hour really contributes to that bonding time.

My husband and I were there in awe of this little life. We made this little human and she is perfect!

I think that's everything---let's hope I didn't miss anything (unlikely, this post is massive!) :-)

Mere :-)